YOGA AND INFERTILITY
Here is a video clip of Brenda Strong who found yoga to be a really helpful tool in helping her cope with infertility.
MY OWN PERSONAL STORY OF STRUGGLING INFERTILITY
When my husband and I were struggling to get pregnant for awhile, I lost a lot of confidence and trust in my own body. For the longest time I told myself that something was wrong with me and even after a series of fertility tests the doctors told my husband and I that we were both fine. I didn't feel fine when month after month my tests read "negative". I guess you are categorized as the "unexplained infertility" couple. There would be days when I was dangerously at a low point and like Brenda mentions in her video, it's not easy to share these truths with other people. It's very private and personal for many of us and can isolate us from the rest of the world. It was really hard for me to openly talk to anyone about my struggles, even my own family, and sometimes even my own husband. I always told myself that there were bigger issues in life that people have to deal with and this just isn't important enough for me to dwell on or impose on other people. I really didn't want to be a downer or sound like it was that big of a deal because frankly, to a lot of people, it's not. And sometimes I've made the mistake of sharing with people who would say things that would just make me even more aggravated and frustrated with their lack of knowledge or understanding of what I was going through. The thought of never being able to have my own biological children while working with children day in and day out really haunted me for several years and dimmed the joy and happiness I used to have within me.
I've always believed in that perfect fairy tale of meeting the man of my dreams, getting married, having two or three children and living happily ever after. When I would watch movies like UP or "Marley and Me" I would drench my face in tears because reality isn't always as peachy as you dreamt it to be. I mean don't get me wrong, I feel more than grateful for meeting the man of my dreams and I do live a great life but never did I think that there would be a possibility that I would never be able to produce my own biological children. Every year, every birthday, every Christmas when I would see 30 plus kids get baptized, I struggled...
I've always loved working with children and have always wanted to be a great mother. Some people don't even want kids but they fall right into their laps! Luckily, my faith and trust in God is what kept me going and what kept me sane. The support of my husband, the support of our immediate family, and even knowing that there were people we didn't even know that were praying on our behalf is what I believe made this miracle of pregnancy happen for us. Also knowing what options were out there for us: knowing there are fertility drugs like Clomid and progesterone, IUIs, IVF, adoption, surrogates. It really makes you not feel as hopeless when you are presented with a bunch of choices instead of BAM! This is it.
Praying with all honesty, asking God for forgiveness, asking God to heal and restore my body was the first step to making progress. There were days when I would literally hash it out with him. The anger and resentment and guilt of having those awful thoughts towards God ate me up inside. Every Sunday I would have to battle the question of "Why God?" "How much longer?", "What did I do to deserve this?" battled with "I'm so sorry God", "Who am I to demand anything from you", to "Please just help me get through this. Give me the strength."
Opening up to other women, taking a break from work, giving my body and mind time to heal and cope with the past was another giant step for me. Really if you have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and you and your spouse really want to have kids, I highly recommend you go ahead and get tested early on. It really doesn't hurt... Yea it can be expensive and scary but it can also save you a lot of time, energy wasted, and give you refound hope.
I am not sharing any of this on my blog to boast or make anyone feel uncomfortable. I am sharing simply because if you and your spouse are dealing with infertility or previously had a miscarriage, Harold and I have been there and have struggled through it. You are not alone and can always talk to us. Yoga and exercise really helped me to feel positive energy flow back into my body again and definitely had some healing qualities that overall made me become a happier person. I hope it can do the same for you. Whatever hardships or situations you are going through in life, always seek help and try to better yourself. Nobody can ever take away the very core of who you are. Own it, love it, and make yourself shine bright again.